What is Domestic Abuse?

Emotional and psychological abuse is a pattern of behaviour in which the perpetrator insults, humiliates, and generally instils fear in an individual to control them. It centres around manipulation, isolation, and demeaning or threatening behaviour. Nearly all cases of domestic abuse involve some form of psychological or emotional abuse, and it can happen in a relationship where there is no physical violence. Most cases we see at My Sisters’ House involve emotional and psychological abuse.

Both types of abuse can be difficult to describe or identify but it is when a perpetrator uses words and non-physical actions to manipulate, hurt, scare or upset you. Some examples of emotional and verbal abuse are: 

• Screaming and shouting at you 

• Mocking you, calling you hurtful names or using derogatory words about you 

• Sulking or refusing to talk or be kind until you do something they want 

• Making you doubt your own sanity. This is known as gaslighting. A perpetrator may gaslight you into thinking that you are remembering things wrongly or that you are misinterpreting things, later making you believe that their version of events is true. This is manipulative behaviour.

• Threatening that they will destroy something, hurt you or fatally hurt themselves

• Threatening to report you to the police, social services or a mental health team if you don’t do what they say 

• Telling you that you deserve to be abused or provoked the abuse 

• Threatening to kill or harm you and/or your children

Involves a person becoming fixated or obsessed with another and is a pattern of persistent and unwanted attention that makes people feel pestered, scared, anxious or harassed. It can include following:

• a person, contacting or attempting to contact someone repeatedly

• monitoring a person’s use of the internet, email, or other forms of digital communication

• interfering with a person’s property

• watching or spying on a person.

• It's stalking if the unwanted behaviour has happened more than once.

There are different types of stalking and harassment, and anyone can be a victim.  Stalking and harassment are offences under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997, and we encourage all victims of stalking to report to the police as it has been a factor in 94% of domestic homicides.

Stalking is like harassment, but it's more aggressive. The stalker will be obsessed with the person they're targeting. Taken in isolation, some of the behaviours may seem like small acts, but together they make up a consistent pattern of behaviour that is frightening and upsetting.

Stalkers can be an ex-partner or a person you were friends with, or it might be a stranger.

Physical abuse is any intentional act causing injury or trauma to another person through bodily contact. It is a deliberate act that results in harm, injury, or trauma to the victim’s body. Physical abuse is often recognised first as domestic abuse as it’s the most visible.  It is often a way for a perpetrator to gain control and is illegal. Some examples of physical abuse are (this list is not exhaustive): 

• Punching, slapping, hitting, pinching, kicking, scratching or biting 

• Applying pressure to your neck or holding you down, strangling or choking you

• Pulling your hair out

• Spitting at you or near you or throwing objects at or near you

• Using objects as weapons to attack or hurt you 

• Punching walls or breaking things

• Physically restraining you by holding you down or tying you up without your consent

• Physically harming a child or a pet. 

• Tampering with your medication in some way, such as by not giving it to you, or giving you the wrong medicine(s). 

• Being burned with cigarettes, iron, oven and/or fire.

• Depriving you of food/warmth/sleep/medication/other aids

• They have regularly displayed any of the behaviours mentioned above and told you that it was a “joke” or an “accident” or “not that bad”.

Sexual abuse can take place within relationships or between family members and can often be a part of domestic abuse. Victims may experience sexual harassment, assault or rape. They may be coerced or forced into sexual acts or recorded in sexual activity without permission, and this may be shared without consent. Women may be prevented from accessing birth control or sexual health services.

Physical and/or sexual abuse may occur once or form part of a wider pattern of abuse and can cause long-term harm to both physical and mental health.

It is not consent if you are afraid or you have been pressured into something.

Some examples of sexual abuse are: 

• Rape or sexual assault. This can be any sexual act you did not consent to. It can include forced kissing, touching or penetration.  

• Having sex with you when you are unable to consent, for example if you are asleep or under the influence of drugs or alcohol which may affect your ability to consent. 

• Using force, threats, guilt, manipulation or intimidation to make you perform sexual acts.  

• Forcing you to have sex with other people or to become a sex worker. 

• Forcing you to have sex or watch pornography in front of children. 

• Degrading you during sex, such as calling you names, spitting, biting, punching or hurting you. 

Non-fatal strangulation (NFS) is a known way for perpetrators of domestic abuse to control and intimidate their victims. It is an insidious form of domestic abuse which recently became a standalone criminal offence which carries a maximum sentence of 5 years imprisonment.  

Despite the strong link between NFS and domestic homicide, it can be difficult to identify, due to a lack of visible injury. Lack of injury does not mean that the attack was less serious or less dangerous, or that it will be easy to “get over” psychologically. People have been killed by strangulation without there being any visible injury.

NFS is the obstruction of blood vessels and/or the airway by external pressure to the neck, resulting in a decreased oxygen supply to the brain. Suffocation is sometimes referred to as asphyxiation and is different to strangulation. Suffocation deprives a person of the air needed for normal breathing.

• Experiencing NFS significantly increases the risk of being killed; domestic homicide reviews show victims of NFS are 7 times more likely to be killed at a later date.

• 1 in 4 women who access community and refuge-based services report to have experienced strangulation or suffocation.

• Strangulation or suffocation are common methods of killing females, second to sharp-instrument injuries such as stabbing.

Economic or financial abuse is a type of coercive control which involves a pattern of controlling, threatening and degrading behaviours relating to money and finances.

The perpetrator uses money to control their partner’s freedom. This can include using credit or debit cards without permission, building up debts in their partner’s name, or restricting access to essential resources and services, such as food, clothing or transport, and refusing to allow someone to improve their economic status through employment, education or training.

Economic abuse can make the individual dependent on the abuser, thereby limiting their ability to escape and access safety. It is designed to intimidate and isolate the victim.

Some examples of economic abuse are: 

• Controlling all of the household income and keeping financial information a secret 

• Taking out loans in your name, sometimes without you knowing  

• Stopping you from being in work, education or training 

• Pressurising you to work more hours than you want to

• Not contributing to any bills  

• Controlling your spending, checking your receipts

• Having all financial accounts in their name

Technology-facilitated abuse, or ‘tech abuse’ is the way technologies can be exploited to track, control, coerce, or harass individuals. Perpetrators of domestic abuse often use technology as a tool of abuse which can force survivors offline and further isolate them from their support network or ability to seek help.

Tech abuse often involves perpetrators using multiple accounts and devices to abuse, control and monitor their partners. The technology harnessed can range from everyday devices and accounts, to sophisticated, malicious software.

An abuser might do any of the following:

• They constantly send you messages or call you.

• They post sexual content of you online without your agreement.

• They control your digital devices, such as checking your smartphone or computer all the time

• They install spyware on your devices to secretly give them information about you

• They use technology to track where you are

• They control your bank accounts through online banking

• They create fake accounts pretending to be you on social media

• They “troll” you through social media by posting insulting or demeaning comments about you

• They use smart home devices (such as doorbell cameras, smart speakers, smart thermostat) to control or harm you

Religious and spiritual abuse, in the context of domestic abuse, occurs when a victim is prevented from carrying out their religious or spiritual practices, or is forced to engage in activities that conflict with their beliefs.

This may include:

• Preventing someone from attending their place of worship

• Religious discrimination

• Preventing someone from worshipping at all or in the way they wish to

• Forcing someone to attend ceremonies for a religion which they do not practice

• Forcing someone to eat foods that are forbidden by their religion

• Destroying someone’s religious texts and articles

• Mockery and verbal abuse of their religion

• Forcing someone to act in a way which goes against their religion

• Forcing someone to relinquish their religion

• Forcing someone to partake in a spiritual activity or belief which they do not wish to

Honour-based abuse (HBA) is an umbrella term used to describe a combination of practices, used principally to control and punish the behaviour of a member of a family or social group, in order to protect perceived cultural and religious beliefs in the name of ‘honour’.

There is never any honour in, or justification for, abuse. Women and girls are particularly at risk of HBA. It can take many forms, including ‘honour’ killings, forced marriage, rape and sexual violence, physical abuse, kidnapping, imprisonment, emotional abuse and coercive control. It can be difficult to identify.